Friday, May 29, 2009

If that ain't a load of ...

Disappointed today. My homemade reality show pitch, along with demo footage, was horrifically shot down today. Mind you, this was my first attempt at sharing with the world, my video buffet of reality goodness, but a rejection still hurts.

Now, granted, my "series" was a bit avant garde and risque, but at the same time charming and downright lovable. I called it , "From the Throne - A daily peek at the toilet habits of the American male." I was going to cover EVERYTHING, the camera would catch all the nuances, faces and sounds, (of course, not bodily sounds, but rather grunts and any reading or praying. I wasn't aiming for sophomoric fart jokes. Sickos.) Lotsa important decisions are made in the bathroom, and I was going to capture and chronicle it all. Cameras in famous celebrities restrooms. From Freddie Prinze Jr. to Abe Vigoda. Dane Cook to Vern Troyer, I was going to take this global.

I even envisioned having re-enactments of historical figures like Abraham Lincoln or Napoleon, filmed in sepia tone, squatting and reliving those monumental dumps. Or the post forbidden apple dump session in the Garden of Eden. It was genius.

But alas, it was not meant to be. The powers that be shot me down with words of forged steel and tempered resolve. They issued me an informal rejection wrapped in a manila colored envelope sealed with a death stained kiss.

Well not really, the death kiss is just my way of embellishing the moment. Anyways ... they said no, and for me to seek help, or something of the sort. But get this, in the letter they refer to my idea as a piece of crap.



Side note:

The Vern Troyer episode, had "From The Throne", been taken to fruition, it would have been called ... "Little Sh*t and Flush tones".

Pure Genius.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hello. Welcome to my pool. Care for some pie?

Hey campers. What's shaking?

Just thought I'd do my duty to world and enlighten mankind with my observations, rants, and my pithy stories. Granted, I haven't the writing skills of a half eaten banana slug, nor the brain power to match said slug in a game of Uno, (Damn those Wild Draw Fours. Damn them all to HELL!), I still feel the need to express and chronicle my ride on this human experience. (Also should point out, that I'm not responsible for you, the reader, passing out due to my long, add on sentences, and blatant ignorance of the English language.)

Now ... Where do I begin? My mind is being bombarded with such randomness, that I just cyber hurled all over the place from the " " (/does the quotation finger sign in air...) stress, that I missed that slug laying another Draw Two on me. Bastard!

I'm a close to forty something man child who still thinks that the moral tales from Star Wars still holds more water today than the debauchery we see going on in the world as we live and breathe. "I dont belive it.", says Luke. "That is why, failed you did." counters the green master, Yoda. ( Alright Star Wars police... I'm para phrasing. Away with your weapons, I mean Geroge Lucas no harm. Zealots.)

I dont think this will be my opus of any sort, but I think we can have some fun together. Just as that crankey chimp at the zoo flings his poo at the mouth agaped onlookers, I too want fling my mental poo at you. Even as I type, I cringe at the non direction I'm cooking up, but hey, what the hell. Right? I too am reminded that Ol' chimp Flingy McPoo, is no longer with us. Was old age his demise or was it the poo ridden audience that got tired of his sh*t, and took him out ... CAPONE STYLE? We'll never know. Soo ... Please be patient with me, I promise I find direction to this word stew, but until then, I play my Reverse card on you.